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Hi. I'm Libby Gelman-Waxner, and I'm an assistant buyer in juniors' activewear. While I find my work both rewarding and creative, especially with the new knits coming in, I want more. And so I decided to become a film critic....
Move over, Siskel & Ebert. Watch out, Leonard Maltin. And just forget saving that aisle seat, Mr. Medved. Libby Gelman-Waxner has arrived -- in the critic's circle, that is -- and the silver screen may never be the same again. Witty, wicked, and scathingly honest -- If You Ask Me is a hilarious collection of her columns from Premiere magazine. Just listen to Libby on some recent films and film stars:
Prince of Tides -- "Barbra's only spontaneous moment in Prince of Tides comes when Nick tosses her a football and she screams 'My nails!'"
Diane Keaton -- "She's a pioneer; she takes that thing that hangs in the back of your closet, the thing that was too marked down to pass up, Diane takes that thing and she doesn't call Goodwill, she wraps it around her head a few times, pins on a Smurf brooch, and wins an Oscar...."
The Last of the Mohicans -- "Daniel Day-Lewis makes American actors look like giggly junior high school boys playing Nintendo during the prom; at one point, Madeleine asks Daniel what he is looking at, and he says, I'm looking at you, Miss, and let me tell you, the usher had to conk me with his flashlight to make me stop whimpering...."
Daryl Hannah -- "All men in America, my Josh included, they all want a date with Daryl Hannah. A girl like Daryl -- we're not talking about a Ph.D. in comparative literature; I think we're talking about hair in the eyes and not much in the way of lingerie...."
- Sales Rank: #2502183 in Books
- Published on: 1994-10-12
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.50" h x 6.00" w x 1.00" l,
- Binding: Hardcover
- 236 pages
From Publishers Weekly
New York film critic Gelman-Waxner here collects her irreverent, hilarious "If You Ask Me" columns that have appeared during the past five years in Premiere magazine. Of yet another Tom Cruise coming-of-age drama (Far and Away), she writes, "It's like watching Tom in a $60 million school play, where you never forget that he's really the star quarterback and the class president." William Hurt (in The Accidental Tourist) speaks "very slowly, like a Mormon on quaaludes." Gelman-Waxner is kinder to Daniel Day-Lewis, Dennis Quaid and Michelle Pfeiffer, whose "cheekbones and thighs could be grounds for a class action suit by women everywhere." The persona of the columnist-homemaker, mother and wife, married to a "wildly sought-after Upper East Side orthodontist"-is carefully fashioned as the author intersperses self-aware mockery of yuppie excesses with astringent comments about Hollywood.
Copyright 1994 Reed Business Information, Inc.
Review
"Libby Gelman-Waxner is a Goddess: she inspires terror and worship. I have known Libby for many years, and she approaches film criticism with all the reverence she holds for dessert. She is wise, witty and completely unethical -- what's not to like? I cannot say enough good things about this book, because she has my home number. If you love movies, if you love to laugh, if you'll believe anything, then this book is for you, if you ask me." -- Paul Rudnick
"Irreverent, Hilarious." -- Publishers Weekly
"Screamingly Funny." -- The Advocate
From the Inside Flap
Hi. I'm Libby Gelman-Waxner, and I'm an assistant buyer in juniors' activewear. While I find my work both rewarding and creative, especially with the new knits coming in, I want more. And so I decided to become a film critic....
Move over, Siskel & Ebert. Watch out, Leonard Maltin. And just forget saving that aisle seat, Mr. Medved. Libby Gelman-Waxner has arrived -- in the critic's circle, that is -- and the silver screen may never be the same again. Witty, wicked, and scathingly honest -- If You Ask Me is a hilarious collection of her columns from Premiere magazine. Just listen to Libby on some recent films and film stars:
Prince of Tides -- "Barbra's only spontaneous moment in Prince of Tides comes when Nick tosses her a football and she screams 'My nails!'"
Diane Keaton -- "She's a pioneer; she takes that thing that hangs in the back of your closet, the thing that was too marked down to pass up, Diane takes that thing and she doesn't call Goodwill, she wraps it around her head a few times, pins on a Smurf brooch, and wins an Oscar...."
The Last of the Mohicans -- "Daniel Day-Lewis makes American actors look like giggly junior high school boys playing Nintendo during the prom; at one point, Madeleine asks Daniel what he is looking at, and he says, I'm looking at you, Miss, and let me tell you, the usher had to conk me with his flashlight to make me stop whimpering...."
Daryl Hannah -- "All men in America, my Josh included, they all want a date with Daryl Hannah. A girl like Daryl -- we're not talking about a Ph.D. in comparative literature; I think we're talking about hair in the eyes and not much in the way of lingerie...."
Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 4 people found the following review helpful.
Hysterical, brilliant, and incisive
By Bart Motes
You'll come for the hysterical observations, but you'll stay for the depth of thought. In reviewing Field of Dreams, for example, in between tart and hysterical observations about Kevin Costner's ambit, we get the incredible telling and onpoint observation that James Earl Jones' character seems oblivious to the fact that baseball was segregated in 1919. Whoa, Libby, you snuck that one in on us. Libby's humor is premised in her unabashed shallowness in movie tastes--she doesn't want to see Calcutta, she wants to see a cut up Patrick Swayze (one of the studs of her era)--and in her understanding of the Hollywood culture that movies reflect. In noting that the jobs women have in movies shift from art gallery director to caterers, she observes that these are great things for Hollywood wives of movie executives to do for "fulfillment" for a month or two, but not the way that the average woman in the real world will be pulling in the bread. Well, she makes that observation in a less heavy handed and much more hilarious way. Libby, forgive me, I lack your craft.
The most important thing about this book is that it is always fun and never self-important. Paul Rudnick, the man behind Libby, had fun with it, and so will you. In Libby fashion, I should note that my adorable mother, Mary Christine Motes, recommended this book to me. Thanks, Mum.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
America's Funniest and Most Irresponsible Film Critic Was Also Pretty Astute.
By mirasreviews
"If You Ask Me" collects 61 of Libby Gelman-Waxner's (aka Paul Rudnick) comedic movie columns from Premiere Magazine's first 5 years, 1988 until her 5th Anniversary column in 1993. Balancing roles as Assistant buyer in Junior's Activewear, East Side yenta, and "American's most beloved and irresponsible film critic", Libby lambasts movie cliches, aging movie stars, and directors who suffer from Auteur's Syndrome. She swoons over hunky actors and fixates on actresses' coiffures. She keeps us current on the movie-going adventures of her orthodontist husband Josh, perfect daughter Jennifer, tragically single friend Stacey Schiff, and cousin Andrew. Libby is laugh-out-loud funny.
Those who followed Libby's career until the demise of Premiere Magazine in spring 2007 can see how she became the critic we know and love and revisit some long-retired features like "The Libby Awards" and "Letters to Libby". It is amazing and hilarious how seriously some readers took her. Libby's first five years were more manic and plagued with run-on sentences than her later years. This book witnesses the point at which she hit her stride as a critic, about 2 ½ years in, with an article entitled "The Entertainment Factor". Before that, Libby was scattershot and not quite a reviewer.
Of course, Libby's foremost intention was always to entertain. But in those cases when more serious reviewers all got it wrong, which occur like clockwork twice a year, Libby set us straight. Those columns are among her best, and they earned her my respect as a critic. Libby's gossipy wit was also on hand to observe the cinematic transition from the 1980s to 1990s in her column "Making Nice". Her scrutiny of '80s Greed versus "'90s New Niceness", i.e. hypocrisy, is another example of incisive commentary in a deceptively shallow package.
"If You Ask Me" is a wonderfully entertaining volume that no movie buff should be without. Libby could get away with saying what other critics couldn't, because her comments were shrouded in humor. She got even better than this, so it's unfortunate that the other 14 years of Libby are not available as a book. The Introduction refers to this as "Volume 1", so I hope that Paul Rudnick has not completely forgotten about that implication and we can expect the rest of Libby soon. Although the movies are listed under the article titles in the table of contents, an index of movies would have been helpful, as would dates on the articles.
11 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Hilarious compilation of Premiere magazine columns, 1988-92
By A Customer
If You Ask Me is a collecion of columns appearing in Premiere magazine from
1987 to 1992. It turns out that Libby is in fact really Paul Rudnick, author of the play
Jeffrey, among other works.
Libby is the wife of Upper East Side orthodontist Josh and mother of two. She is the
daughter of the beloved Sondra Krell-Gelman, and goes to therapist Doctor
Cole-Natbaum. Both women have guested the column as well.
Libby takes a rather unique approach to movie reviewing. With Dennis Quaid, and later
Daniel Day-Lewis, as her spiritual fiancé, it is no guess how she feels about their
movies. Libby liberally recounts her daily life in the columns. Included is her cousin
Andrew--an art director who is so creative that "no one is expecting grandchildren, if
you know what I mean." Libby also gives very good descriptions of what the actors
wear, and often make analogies to other actors and what they might wear. Libby is
quick to comment, and dismiss movies, as needed. On Sneakers: they decide not to
see a movie about computer hackers, "I'm waiting for a fast-paced thriller about guys
who can set the timer on their VCR."
There are many laugh-out-loud moments in the book. On Melanie Griffith as an
undercover chassid: "But don't you think Yitzhak Shamir is just dreamy" and she
declares the film (A Stranger Among Us) one that "manages to insult both Jews and
policewomen." She speculated years ago that one day they would split Tom Cruise's
films into two categories--with sunglasses and without.
On Jean-Claude van Damme: "He is shot naked from the back featuring a rear that has
been polished with love and Lemon Pledge, and that's a universal language, if you ask
me." Every column ends with those four little words.
She also declares that "anything with air conditioning is a masterpiece." Amid all the
repartee are some rather genuine and shrewd observations, about life at large and film
in particular. Commenting on G. Gordon Liddy's turn as an actor and Nixon's various
books, she says no one is really sorry, they're just marketing their apologies.
Of course, if helps if you are familiar with Hollywood stars and their movies, but even if
you have not seen them, Libby is hilarious, with her own Libby awards and "Letters to
Libby." She's so funny that, in her words, "you could eat her up alive and come back for
seconds," and that's a book worth reading, if you ask me.
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